Pedro Ciriaco to Hit for 2 Cycles Tonight Versus the Hated Doyers

After last night's thrilling win, made more thrilling by Huston Street's regularly expected putrid performance, the Padres are set to take on the Doyers best pitcher, Clayton Kershaw tonight.  After Pedro Ciriaco's coming out party last night, I am now expecting big things from him including multiple grand slams tonight.  Modest expectations.  I think we can also look forward to terrible ESPN replaying the inevitable one hit that Yasiel Puig will get tonight while overlooking his flailing four strikeouts.  At some point, the overwhelming media attention will get to Puig and he'll take the offramp to Slump City (or hopefully Being Thrown Down a Well City, CA). 

Clayton Kershaw has always pissed me off even though he seems like a perfectly nice dude.  Hopefully the Padres can tee off on his stupid lefthanded garbage pitches.  Here's a snapshot taken earlier today of Clayton:

Sick of Yasiel Puig

It's been one day of media hype and I'm already sick of Yasiel Puig.  Maybe today Bud Black can actually put our top 3 hitters into the lineup and we can score more than one run against the stupid Doyers.

Padres Face Off Against Jeff Samardzinotgonnaworkhereanymore

After a glorious sweep of the poo poo Giants, the Padres head out to Chicago to face the hated Cubs. We can look forward to Kyle Blanks hitting infinity home runs off of the Cubs pitiful pitching staff. Here's Jeff Samardzija showing that his skills as catcher greatly outdo his skills as pitcher.

Padres to Crush Rockies: Troy Tulowitzki has a Special Talent

After last night's exciting and awesome display of Ron Swanson-esque manliness by Carlos Quentin, Clayton Richard, and the Padres in general (you know, except for winning the game), the Pads are getting ready to inevitably sweep the Rockies this weekend.  With Tyson Ross going tonight, it might not be a good time to hope for a starting pitcher to go longer than 5 innings, but there's first times for everything.  For tonight's game, Padres Jagoff is going back to the basics: dick jokes, MS Paint dongs (multiple!) and hated opposing team players.  A great time for pals!