Kyle Blanks for Emperor

Last night was one of the best wins of the season, made better by the utter thrashing of noted zilch Jonathan Papelbon.  The spirit of the Rally Unicorn was strong in the 9th inning, and especially with Padres soon to be hall of famer Kyle Blanks crushing balls via bloop singles and grounders thrusting into holes (entendre!).  

Tonight staff ace Jason Marquis goes for his 10th win and Kyle Blanks goes for 18 home runs in a game.  Although, it would be such a Bud Black thing to do to sit Blanks for some stupid righty lefty matchup.

A Papelboner MS Paint drawing was too easy so here's a crowd pleasing Game of Thrones mash up:

Pedro Ciriaco to Hit for 2 Cycles Tonight Versus the Hated Doyers

After last night's thrilling win, made more thrilling by Huston Street's regularly expected putrid performance, the Padres are set to take on the Doyers best pitcher, Clayton Kershaw tonight.  After Pedro Ciriaco's coming out party last night, I am now expecting big things from him including multiple grand slams tonight.  Modest expectations.  I think we can also look forward to terrible ESPN replaying the inevitable one hit that Yasiel Puig will get tonight while overlooking his flailing four strikeouts.  At some point, the overwhelming media attention will get to Puig and he'll take the offramp to Slump City (or hopefully Being Thrown Down a Well City, CA). 

Clayton Kershaw has always pissed me off even though he seems like a perfectly nice dude.  Hopefully the Padres can tee off on his stupid lefthanded garbage pitches.  Here's a snapshot taken earlier today of Clayton:

Yasiel Puig Has New Toys! Go Padres!

During the Padres awesome winning streak, I found myself glued to the TV and to my seat at Petco Park, and totally blew off drawing dongs in MS Paint.  Luckily, I've found time to craft this gem of stupid, hated, overrated, ESPN darling (I consider this an insult) Yasiel Puig.  More importantly, as the Padres open a key series against the awful Dodgers, they send staff ace Jason Marquis to the mound to "mow down" the Doyers lineup with some 86 mph heat.  I'll be crushing brews and sitting politely in Section 305 tonight.

 

The Padres Jagoff twitter had a few milestones this week.  It has moved ahead of the Pals Podcast twitter with a whopping 34 followers.  A tweet was actually responded to by Tom Garfinkel (requesting less Smashmouth and more Third Eye Blind at retro night).  Almost 50% of the Padres Public crew is following us on Twitter now (I figure it will only be another 19 months until we get to the 75% figure).  Got two items into the Padres Public Matt Vasgersian chat, although I don't think he understood my tri-tip/Santa Maria wordplay.  And landed a ticket to Padres Social Media Night on July 9 to hold court and kiss up to Padres Public to add the blog to their circle of blog royalty.  Quite a week.

 

I also got into a Twitter debate with the Friarhood during some particularly slow innings of Padres baseball last week regarding who needed to be extended on the Padres.  The obvious one is Jedd Gyorko, some would argue Kyle Blanks if he keeps it up.  I believe Everth Cabrera is a high priority.  Not only are competent shortstops hard to find, especially for the Padres (remember Deivi Cruz) (how about Ramon Vazquez) (don't forget Rey Ordonez), but Everth is better than your average shortstop.  His gains this year have been primarily getting on base more and fielding better.  I believe his improved patience is a learned skill that will be less affected by performance fluctuations.  If he can get on base, he can steal bases, and add value on the basepaths.  As a Super 2, his price will be going up.  We may as well lock him in for a few extension years and solidify the position.  The system doesn't have many great prospects at the position.  Jace Peterson is a wild card that is years away from making the bigs.  Friarhood pointed out his decidedly mediocre years prior, but I honestly believe his time in the minors helped him develop the patience and the on-base skills he is showing this year. 

 

And now the Yasiel Puig dong MS Paint picture:

Delta Bravos. Also, Larry "Chipper" Jones is the worst. Go Padres.

As has been publicized for years now on the illustrious baseball blog, Go Mets Die Braves, the Braves are a terrible, terrible team that employs terrible, terrible players.  Now retired, none captures the terrible spirit of the braves more than one Larry Jones.  It makes me physically ill to think about Tom Garfinkel giving him a Padres surfboard last year on his self-indulgent retirement tour that he threw himself.  Now that Larry is gone, the Braves are still full of a bunch of human sewage like Dan Uggla and the stupid Upton Brothers.  I'll be holding court and booing the stupid Braves heartily at Tuesday's night game.  Here is a great photo to remember stupid Larry Jones by:

Sick of Yasiel Puig

It's been one day of media hype and I'm already sick of Yasiel Puig.  Maybe today Bud Black can actually put our top 3 hitters into the lineup and we can score more than one run against the stupid Doyers.

So Much Free Baseball - Padres lead assault against Canada

I can proudly say I stayed up to see the end of the game last night.  All 18 innings or whatever.  I might have dozed off for a half inning of Tim Stauffer pitching, I can't be sure.  But I made it.  The best part was that Clayton Richard finally found his hopefully permanent spot in the bullpen, meaning I get to see Robbie Erlin pitch at Petco tonight.  Well that was a good part, the actual best part was when Jesus Guzman was about to get drenched with frigid ice water by Everth Cabrera, grabbed Kelli Crull, and used her as a perfect human shield so he could remain relatively dry before accepting his free certificate from Robbins Family Jewelers later.  What a guy! 

Tonight we continue our relentless assault against the hordes of canucks that are invading dear Petco.  I'll be there crushing beers in 305. 

Here is last night's greatest moment captured.